A sad reality that many must face in relationships is that we can’t control what our mates do. Even though you might do your best to fulfill their needs, ultimately it’s up to them if they’re going to be faithful. But, if fidelity is simple as it seems? Is it merely just a choice, or are some people more prone to infidelity? Is there a science behind it?
Well, thanks to the study of many scientists, psychologists, and sociologist, I brought you all 14 studies that dissected fidelity and the myths along with it. Remember, that with science all these things are theories, and it’s not indicative of every person that you date/marry. But, the more you know
1. The “I DIDN’T SEE IT LIKE THAT” Mindset
With the constant knowledge of things that are bad for us, do you ever wonder why some people still smoke, obsessively drink, or binge, knowing what the consequences are? People are able to do these things due to something called “cognitive dissonance.” This is the act of separating the wrong that you do, and either trivializing it, or justifying it so you don’t seem as bad. This behavior is very prominent in cheaters.
An experiment was published in January 2013 that proved that when people were made to feel bad about their past cheating, they saw it as such. Whereas, if their behavior was rationalized, they were able to separate themselves from their own bad behavior leading them with thoughts like: cheating is bad, but I’m not, because I’m a good person… even though I cheated.
2. THEY HAVE AN ADDICTION
Within the last decade, people have been using the fact that they have a sex addiction to justify their infidelity. While some have been skeptical, it actually is an issue for some. Some people who have sex addictions allow themselves to do very unhealthy things for themselves and relationships, and there are recovery facilities for those who suffer.
See how people become attracted to each other
3. PEOPLE FIND THEM DESIRABLE (DEPENDING ON GENDER)
An experiment was recently done by recovery.org entitled “To Catch a Cheater.” They set up a number of fake profiles on dating sites and created them with a certain level of fidelity. Through that, they saw that their fake women profiles who were interested in cheating were hit up more by men. Where as the fake male profiles of cheaters were more chastised.
This pointed to the fact that some men merely want just sex, rather than a relationship. That’s why the men in the study sought out these “taken” women.
4. DISAPPOINTMENT
According to “dating” site AshleyMadison.com, a site that helps married people to find people to cheat on their spouses with, found that their busiest days for signup were the day before Valentine’s Day (for men) and the day after for women. According to the site:
“While February 13th — also known as Mistress Day — saw a 271% increase in signups, there was actually a 314% decrease in signups on Valentine’s Day itself. The most prolific traffic came the day after Valentine’s as 439% more people signed up to find what’s missing in their marriage.
The huge spike in signups on the 15th was mostly driven by married women: their membership increased by a whopping 977%.”
5. IT’S IN YOUR GENES
The good people at Scientific American tried to find a correlation between genetics and infidelity. They found that men who had a variant of the chemical vassopressin (which is dominant in voles) have a tendency to have problems of fidelity and in relationships in general.
Further research from the Binghamton University, State University of New York also did a study and found that people who had a variation of the chemical DRD4 had a tendency to engage in activities of infidelity. These people also tended to be more open to social situations and taking risks.
6. THEY HAVE A NEED FOR CONTROL
When powerful people are caught cheating, the rationale that usually comes is the fact that the person’s ego was so big that they felt that they were untouchable. While that’s probably true, another study brought in the idea of control.
If a person is powerful, that person has a tendency to be in control of certain aspects of their lives, namely the talent that got them their power. Though the person might not actively sit down and plan to cheat, they might go through with it for the fact that they believe that they can control the situation.
7. PERFORMANCE ANXIETY
In a study conducted by researchers at Indiana University,Bloomington and the University of Guelph in Ontario found that a reason why some people cheat is due to stress of dealing with the anticipation of having to perform for their mate sexually. With a person that they’re not in a relationship with, they tended to not care as much about meeting that person’s needs, allowing them to be more open sexually:
“It may be that individuals with arousal difficulties feel less pressure to perform sexually with a partner to whom they are not emotionally committed or in a relationship context which is not long- term. In addition, it may be that some individuals want to evaluate if, or believe that, their arousal difficulty is specific to their primary relationship and engage in infidelity for that reason.”
8. ??TO FIX THEIR MARRIAGE (?)
The site AshleyMadison.com decided to ask its users (which are married, by the way) what attempts they made to try to save their marriage, and apparently cheating on their mate was one of the last straws. I guess, in some way it’s a cry for help/attention. (Shoulder shrug)?
“People don’t pursue an affair at the drop of a hat. We always knew anecdotally that people used AshleyMadison.com to stay in their marriage,” said Noel Biderman, CEO, AshleyMadison.com. “Married people know that sex isn’t the most important thing in a marriage, and they aren’t going to simply or quickly leave. They also aren’t willing to settle for abstinence for the rest of their lives, so that’s when they look for an external solution.
9. MORE MONEY, MORE OPPORTUNITY
The exact same study proved that men who made more money, regardless of whether or not they had the same level of education, religious beliefs and social status would cheat if the opportunity presented itself.
The more a man tended to make, coupled with increased opportunity, and lastly an inflated sense of self, the more likely he would cheat. But don’t feel defeated, ladies! According to Stephanie Coontz, who also participated in the study, she had these words of encouragement:
“The take-home message for me out of this is more encouraging for women: Yes, there are guys who still take advantage. But if you are married to a guy who does work, shares your values and background, is close to the same age, and is a good partner, you should not worry at all if you make more than he does!” Coontz added.
10.BLINDED BY BEAUTY
When a person has a risk-taker personality, it seems to be heightened when they are around someone they find attractive.
“As it turns out, men may become blind to risk when an attractive woman enters the picture. One 2008 study found that men who played blackjack after seeing
beautiful female faces took
more risks than men who played the game after seeing unattractive faces.”
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